I asked myself, could i be so casual with sex that i would want to fuck with strangers, like she said she wants, i guess it's for pleasure alone and only, and the freedom to say "bye" right after and never see again the person, it's independence in sexual pleasure, i try to put me in that state of mind, in those situations, but i have no desire, i have no desire for people i don't feel safe with, that means i need to build trust and understanding with someone to feel desire for that person, and i'm very picky, so already it takes the time to grow a friendship, which is long and not so easy, because people who match my intellectual and emotional needs are rare, so to feel desire to have sex i would need to meet hundreds of people and yet having to know them deeply, their personality, their intellect, get trust, and it takes time to know i'm mentally safe and satisfied, maybe for women it's easier they can act like holes, so if they want they even don't have to move in the sexual act, they can technically make love even without desire. I'm thinking maybe i'm not awaken yet, i don't know what it is, what if i would know, will i be like a horny beast searching for a fuck on saturday nights, will that sexual need could push me to be casual, maybe that's what i need to try in order to know, but if i have no desire how could i, is there something wrong with me and those primal needs.
